Recently, I had cut off someone extremely close to me.
Actually, it’s my ex.
We have a long, complicated history together that started as lovers and evolved to a weird on again, off again frenemy relationship.
We were best friends during the worst of times, and we were ruthless during the best of times.
Some common occurrences include blowing up each other’s phones, slights that were adding up way too fast, and becoming a loud presence within each other lives.
If you’re reading this thinking we weren’t very compatible, you’re right. The problem being we were too busy loving the idea of each other instead of who we really are. Boundaries were blurred and communication was inconsistent
Instead of accepting each other, flaws and all, we loved the fantasy of each other.
While I was busy enjoying fruitful, positive connections with everyone else in my life, she was the one anomaly of my network of people.
This went on for around two and a half years before I recently said enough was enough.
From there, I made the necessary but painfully difficult decision to let her go.
As I move into a new phase of my life, I felt the gravitational pull of my good common sense getting sucked back into her orbit.
So I hit the eject button and ended it. I wished her well, blocked her number, and decided to move on into this new phase of my life.
Seriously, when you have to cut off someone close to you, it always sucks.
Acceptance is Necessary
Logical thinking goes out the window when it comes to the people we love most.
No matter how much you want to, you can’t save someone from their self. This is one of the most difficult lessons of adult life and something I constantly have to remind myself.
If you follow me here on Medium, I preach often on the power of accepting on what you can and cannot control. It’s a classic concept that helps simplify life and focus on what’s important to you by not wasting energy on pointless endeavors. This line of thinking is also used in AA meetings, stoic philosophy and known in biblical circles as the “Serenity Prayer”.
However, when it comes to the people closest to you, the heart and the brain don’t often cooperate. The conflict of knowing what to do and what you feel you should do is a crazy twist of life.
Do what you need to do or do what you want to do?
If only it was that simple.
Letting go of her wasn’t easy by any stretch. That’s a lot of history I had to convince myself to discard. A history that I became rather fond of. To have someone that knows you intimately is a rare and satisfying feeling.
Until it all comes crashing down on top of you. Afterwards, I definitely empathize more with Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” .
“Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.”
Kylo Ren, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Let’s use a non-lethal version of Kylo Ren’s famed quote.
Figuratively speaking, sometimes you have to let go to grow. To walk around life carrying the excess weight of your past is to slow yourself down and impede your own happiness. It’s difficult to be happy in the moment when your mind is persistently stuck in a place that occurred years ago.
As active duty navy, I have recently been moved from the area of Norfolk, Virginia to New London, Connecticut. Entering this new stage of my life, I’m surrounded by new people, new locations and well…new everything. As someone originally born in Texas, this was quite the new experience. It’s new, it’s exciting and it’s fascinating to be far from home.
When you’re forced to cut someone off it’s due to:
— becoming a toxic presence within your life
— your path in life has diverted from their path and it’s time to move on.
Both of these realizations are tough pills to swallow when you’ve grown close to someone.
To be honest, it’s pretty quiet without her.
I’m active duty US Navy, fitness enthusiast, and public speaker. To contact me for inquiries, email me at email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org.