From Validation to Determination
One of the greatest traps in our modern culture is the need for validation. No matter how strong you think you are, eventually it starts to hit you. The opinions and criticisms around you start to overtake your better judgement. Suddenly, its no longer about you. Your life now belongs to every asshole with an opinion. Your family, your friends, that ex broke that broke your heart, that one guy you barely speak to on Facebook, your condescending boss, your friend that may or may not be fake, etc. Every moment of approval sends you to the top of Mt. Everest, and every bullet of negativity sends straight into a ditch. Most of the time, its going to be negative and its going to hit like a truck. Instead of seeking validation and acceptance, we need to be more determined to be happy for our self.
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? The handsome face of a young adult? A child that was dragged through an emotional trauma that he/she didn’t ask for? Or maybe you just avoid the mirror entirely out of the fear of what you will find. Wouldn’t it be nice if you had a legion of people to make your mind up for you? It’s so much easier to for someone to tell you how to feel than do it yourself.
Everyone is living their own personal journey, but far too often that path isn’t decided by them. Instead, it’s chosen by those around you. The opinions and criticism of the people around you. The energy of their environment and their circumstances. Social media and the infinite supply of attention that it can give you. It feels great to ride that high of positivity and holding that “I am enough” feeling everywhere you go.
However, when that energy is negative, it’s like carrying a heavy weight everywhere you go. No matter how happy you think you are, that negativity is going to be there ready to drag you down at a moment’s notice. You could always also use it to your advantage to make yourself stronger. Adapt and overcome to better yourself and, perhaps, the people around you. At the end of the day, you’re still carrying that weight. You’re getting stronger to satisfy everyone else, not yourself. The more you think about it, the more you can see how unnecessarily it is to carry such a weight.
And what if those same people still hit you with negative energy after all of that time spent proving them wrong? That’s where self-love and determination comes into play. That moment of clarity when realize you don’t need that negativity in your life. Strive to improve for yourself because that’s what you want.
“It’s so much easier to for someone to tell you how to feel than do it yourself.”
“You are not good enough.”
Those five magic words are enough to ruin any good day. The funny thing is they almost never originate from you. It’s always coming from an external event or person. An expectation that you failed to meet or personal shame. It’s that feeling you get when the entire world becomes harder to look at. All because you failed to achieve what someone else expected of you.
Here’s the good news: none of that shit matters. Instead of holding onto the opinions of others, let it go. All of it. Focus on yourself and go after your goals because that’s what you desire.
The problem with living your life for the validation is that it will never be enough! Even if you did everything right, it’s still possible for them/him/her to say “You’re still not good enough.” No matter how much you achieve, it would instantly feel meaningless because you’ve given someone else the power to take away your happiness. You have to love yourself and live through sheer determination. You have to embrace that voice in your head that tells you to become better in despite your haters, not because of them.
The only feedback that should be allowed are those that truly love and seek the best for you. The family that was there when you needed them most, the friends that stayed when everyone else left, and the peers that want to see you succeed. Anyone else should be disregarded and moved to the side. Allow the true constructive criticism — the type of opinion that builds you up, not just continually knock you down — to push you to your path to success.
When it comes down to it, you only have one life to live. Live it to the fullest and live it for yourself.